you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
