Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
