It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
