eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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