LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
