If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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