I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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