I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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