First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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