How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
