I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
