This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
