That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
