Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
