i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
