Im at strip club and am horny
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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