Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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