you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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