Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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