just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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