So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
