he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
