Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Randomize
