blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
