You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
