you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
