Your tits are I can't wait for
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Michael Bay diarrhea
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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