She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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