So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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