Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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