so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Found your dick twin last night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
