I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
