I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
