So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My feet surprised me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
