yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
