singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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