i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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