as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
