oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
