Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
