Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
