i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
