i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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