flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
