so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She is in my trunk
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
