Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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