First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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