Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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