i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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