I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
